Ok so my inaugural post today is going to be about some stories I read this week in the Boston metro. For those of you who don't know, the metro is a free daily newspaper that can be found in Boston and other cities throughout the world. Each city has their own "version" of the metro, though almost all of their stories are from the newswire, or -shudder - the internet. Well, let me set the scene for you. For about a month now, I've been making a charade of pretending to read a novel on the way to work everyday. I didn't actually want to read a novel, I just wanted to distinguish myself a little from the d-bags on the T who sit all zombied out with their Ipods and sidekicks and iphones and what have you. So I got a book from the library, and I won't tell you what book, but I didn't want to get something lame like a Jodi Piccoult novel or something, so I took out a large, esoteric, genre novel I was somewhat familiar with, and for the next few weeks, pretended to read it. I got about 100 pages when I finally gave up, admitted how absolutely god-awful boring this book was, and how much I would rather just stare awkwardly at people. So now the book is on my floor, and I've been reading the Metro.
Good Lord! The Metro rules! It engages me in a way real newspapers never could, and it even comes with super-easy Crosswords and Sudokus to make me feel good about myself.
Anyway... here are the week's top stories.
1. R. Kelly Sex Tape Shown at Child Pornography Trial
So apparently, R. Kelly is on trial for child porn. I don't know if this is the same case that's been going on for years or a new one. I really don't care. In my opinion, the longer they keep R. Kelly in the courthouse and out of the recording studio, the better. But here's what got me about this article. The Metro writes:
"...prosecutor Shauna Boliker warned jurors they would have
to watch a videotape depicting an 'underage child performing
sex acts that you have never seen before.'"
Wow. Sex acts that you have never seen before? Umm, is that a guarantee? Because I have seen quite a bit. What does some 13-year-old girl know about that I don't? And way to promote this video as the fetish hit of the year, prosecutor. You're even making me want to watch it. And I hate being made to feel like a perv (I'm looking at you Shia LeBeouf and the cast of Newsies)!
2. Bear Grylls called 'Boy Scout' By Fellow Survivalist
Some other wilderness survival expert named Ray Mears recently dissed Bear Grylls (of the Discovery Channel's 'Man vs. Wild'), saying:
"Do I look for tips from Bear Grylls? Yes - on how not to make television programs... I welcome the competition, but I want to see real experts, not Boy Scouts pretending to
be."
According to the Metro, Bear has not responded to this comment. He probably doesn't even know about it, because I'm sure he, like the rest of us, doesn't give a crap who Ray Mears is or what he has to say. So let's recap: unknown guy insults Bear Grylls, Bear Grylls has no comment. Now, my first reaction to this article was (well, my first reaction besides 'Oh god Bear Grylls, do me! Do me in a pile of elephant dung!): This is a story? We've all already heard the rumors about the behind-the-scenes shenanigans on M v. W. Now this guy is chiming in and it's a story? So how much room did this "article" take up, you ask? A whole page. Seriously. The main story is a full half a page, and there are 2 related sidebars. All that, plus a few ads, takes up the whole page!
Now I would be the first one to criticize Bear Grylls, except that I was never stupid enough to believe that he really did all the things he talked about on his show. However, you can't deny that the man ate a live scorpion, and elephant dung on camera. I also find it hilarious that Ray Mears apparently looks to Bear Grylls on how not to make a television program, when Bear has a totally enjoyable, ridiculously successful TV show while I have never seen or heard of Ray Mears before. I think Ray is just jealous that he's not pretty enough to make it on TV, so he resorts to petty name-calling. I also think the Metro was trying to highlight their obvious "differences" -shall we say- with the way they set up their pictures (see above). It seems that Ray has someone managed to survive for years in the wild without the use of a tweezers!
3. Some Guy Tells Me How to Do My Job
Ok, that's not really true, and it's an overstatement. In the Thursday, May 23rd issue of the Metro, Pat Healy writes in his column "The Heard Mentality": "the Museum of Science is supposed to do a Green Day laser light show. They just don't know it yet." Umm ok, so as an employee of said Museum, I appreciate the shoutout for our totally rad laser shows, but I am also annoyed to hear, for the 10,000,000th time, what someone thinks would be the perfect laser show. People make these suggestions to me all the time. Most of the people who make them have never been the Museum, and some of them have never seen a laser show before. If you want to listen to favorite band in the big dark dome, here's what you should do: 1. Go to the Museum of Science and pay to see a laser show; 2. Fill out a comment card regarding your experience at that laser show, and also indicate what laser shows you would like to see in the future; 3. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHOW UP TO THE GOD DAMN SHOW YOU BEGGED FOR.
A few years ago, Radiohead fans mobilized and convinced the Museum to do a Laser Radiohead show, and it was a total flop. It seems none of the rabid fans, who begged for it, bothered to come to the show. That having been said, we are giving Radiohead another shot this summer. Starting in June, Laser Radiohead is back. We're hoping to capitalize on their summer tour excitement. We will also be debuting Laser Queen, Laser 80's and Laser X (90's alternative and Grunnnnnnnnnnnnge!!!)
Well actually that's about it for the week. Actually, there has been some real news, including Ted Kennedy's unfortunate brain tumor (the Kennedy curse strikes again!) and David Cook winning American idol, but who wants to talk about those depressing stories? Wow, blogging is hard work! I'm exhausted.
Current snack obsession: my homemade Bruschetta, Green and Black's Dark chocolate
Today's Beer: Miller High Life - hey, I'm broke!
Tonight's DVD time waster: Firefly
Thanks, hopefully I won't totally forget about this blog tomorrow.
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